FINE Within

Symbolic

2011-10-18T12:47:00.000-07:00

Hello,Hello!

I got this adorable bracelet in the mail today and just had to share!(oh so cute)
I bought it for myself because it is symbolic to me..

Circus Elephants are strong in body but weak in the mind;

When baby elephants are being trained for the circus they are chained up.. They try and try to break free from the chains but never are able to break free, so they give up.. When they become adults they are so used to being bound by the chains that held them captive for all those years, that they don't even try to escape. In their minds they are to weak..... So what I'm trying to say is I too was bound by chains, but just in a different way.. I was so used to the negativity that was told to me almost daily that I became weak minded just like the elephants...The Elephants grew up and became strong on the outside but on the inside they were still that weak baby elephant..Just like me..

Elephants are a reminder to me that the strength lives within us if we just try and never give up. Just because you were told (taught) something over an over when you were young doesn't mean it holds truth and should affect you now when you are an adult.. So you see that is why elephants are symbolic to me ;)

Don't let anyone hold you back and make you feel like you are who they think you are.. Break free from all the negative words people have said to you.. Their opinion about you should not be your opinion about yourself ;)

( HOPE ALL THAT MADE SENSE )
Much Love, Dawn

How I spent MY weekend--

2011-10-17T06:59:00.000-07:00

Hello and happy Monday to Y'all!

Just thought I would share how I spent my weekend.

Saturday got up early to find myself wondering the house trying to find something to do.
Hubby left for work kiddo at a sleep over not the, not so nice neighbors home.. Got on
my laptop to catch up with the rest of the world.. Checked out the Grocery Game to see what I will be buying for the week then I cut out my coupons...

Daughter came home talked her into going to Michael's and Barnes and Noble with me..
YIPPEE! I really much rather go shopping with someone more fun that way I think..

Bought Paint I really want to start to paint more Just not sure what in the world to paint???

Bought my daughter her most fav book in the whole world!

After we left there called hubby to see if he was getting off work or did he have to work late?
He was just about to leave so we met up with him at Taco Bell for supper Yay I didn't have to cook..
Love that!

Came home and watched the Rangers Kick some baseball B@##

GO RANGERS!

Sunday morning got up to go grocery shopping , came home put away groceries then headed to Wally World.

Wanted to buy me some make-up
I bought this new stuff , Brightening eye Perfector I am going to try and see if it helps me look more awake.
My dark circles are getting the best of me lately with allergies and getting older i guess..

I have small and deep set eyes so they really make my eyes look even darker underneath..
Got try and work with what God gave me ya know!

Oh and new lipstick and a white eye liner pencil never tried a white eye liner before might be fun and brighten up my eyes some who knows? note to self : (I have such small lips really need to find myself lip plumper..)

Came home and just spent the rest of my Sunday with hubby and kiddo watching TV..

That was pretty much my weekend..

Hope y'all had a great one.

Much Love, Dawn

Don't Understand

2011-10-16T12:21:00.000-07:00

If you live on a street where you know several of your neighbors wouldn't you tell them if you seen their child doing something unsafe? I know I would!

Okay I am going to share with Y'all something that has come up on my street..

Before I tell you what was said I want you to know that I know for a fact what they said is NOT TRUE!

My youngest wanted her friend to have a sleep over the dad told her she could but needed to wait for the mom to come home to ask her too.. The mom said no not tonight.. Okay that's fine sometimes I don't want to have anyone over or want my child to stay over someone else's home.. No biggy.. Now we have lived on this street for about 9 years and my child and hers have stayed nights many times back and forth..

The next day my child was playing with her friend , she asked her friend "why couldn't you stay the night with me?" The friend told her " my mom says she sees you sneak out at night." My daughter got all upset and came home and says to me "mom they think I sneak out at night" I said "WHAT repeat that"? She says yes the mom said she couldn't stay with me because i sneak out at night????? I am not happy at this point thinking oh maybe you misunderstood her ? I was trying to place other words that could sound like sneaking out? Not working lol..
Now if i ever seen an 11 year old out at night when I thought she or he wasn't suppose to be out I would for sure talk to the parents about it! Maybe they were aloud out that late who knows but what if they weren't and something happened to that child, I would feel horrible that I didn't talk to the parents about it?

Well anyways I let it go it was tough though I really wanted to go over there and say not so nice things.
. I don't get upset when someone tells me something my kid has done I take it pretty good so I just can't come up with why she wouldn't tell me? The only thing I can think of is she lied to her child about it.
This is not the first time she has lied about something involving my child and hers.

Why do I know this isn't true well for one she is afraid of the dark and for another she came and told me right away what the reason was.. If she sneaks out i don't think she would have said anything at all.. I know my child and there is NO way she would sneak out and besides she has no reason to we don't keep her locked up .. She's only 11 come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have spoken with a few other neighbors who agree with me they would talk to me about it and hope i would do the same..

Now we are dealing with this ladies kids telling other kids that my child sneaks out UGH!!!!!!

With all that being said I just don't understand some people???????????

Much love, Dawn

Go Back to--

2011-10-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

Over a year ago I was reading a very good book called You're All That! Understand God's Design For Your Life By Paula White

Just a little bit on how and why I bought the book--

I happened to see this book under a pile of junk while looking in the clearance section of a store called Ross. I read a few pages and thought I need this book it is exactly what I need .. See I was struggling mentally and emotionally .. I had Very bad anxieties and thought this book goes so well with the therapy I was already doing.. The book just spoke to me .. So I bought it ...

I was feeling lost and wanted to know who God designed me to be? (I still do heehee it will come i know).. So in hopes of reading this book I would discover who God designed me to be, but you see that wasn't the case I found something else in that book that helped me so much! Something that I didn't even know was one of the issues that caused my anxieties.....

So here we go--

In one of her chapters she says to go back to a painful memory in your past an invite Jesus to come . Allow him to be with you. He will heal your pain, he will give you a new word for that painful memory and He will give you a new memory to place over that pain.

I thought this was a great idea and who knows maybe it will help ?

First I had to get to the core of the bad memory. I had to dig and find the cause. Once i found it i really started to think about it . I pictured it in my minds eye the whole thing played out like I was there all those years ago. I was feeling sad, lost and insecure. My world was crashing down all around me, a part of me died that day.

As I was playing it out in my mind not kidding you Jesus came into the room(my perception of him) stood me up walked me over to a door of some kind.It was bright with sunshine so bright.. I seen off in the distance a field of yellow flowers. He just stood there with me holding my hand and looking down at me as i was looking up at him, it felt like forever. There Jesus an I stood, a word came over me BEAUTY?

I did not want to open my eyes I wanted to hold onto that moment/vision forever I felt so loved and so free. But after a few moments the vision started to fade. I was in tears an a big mess after words ,but you know it healed me, I no longer feel pain about that memory.. :) Also when the word BEAUTY came over me I think it meant several things - that the outside world is not a scary place to be and I am filled with beauty.

That's just what i took away from all that..

So as I was sitting there in tears and astonishment something came over me to paint what I seen so I did.

Now the painting isn't that great but it is what I saw an felt that day..

Sorry for the long read, I just don't want to ever forget about that day....

Much love Dawn

BLAST

2011-10-14T15:59:00.001-07:00

I had the best time out today on my friend date heehee ! We had lunch then did some shopping!

She brought along her one year old , now she is one of the best behaved one year old's I have been around! She was just too cute! My new friend is a good Momma!

I cannot believe how bad I needed that! We hit it off pretty good and she said she wants to hang out with me again! YIPPEE! Gosh that just sounded so juvenile ...

You know when you think you need to have someone in your life to talk and laugh with but you just don't know how badly till you get to have that? Well I just found out how badly i needed that refresher..

Loved today !

Much Love Dawn

Lunch Date

2011-10-13T12:02:00.001-07:00

If you remember I was suppose to meet up this week at Bible Study with -- what I think could be the friend I have been praying for.

We didn't get to meet :( She sent me a message on what she was wearing and where she would be but i didn't get the message till I got home ,, I know bummer huh!

But the good news is we are meeting up for lunch tomorrow..

She said something so funny to me she said"So this reminds me of a first date/ blind date at that!"

I would have to agree I have not been on a friend date in oh FOREVER!

I am so looking forward to tomorrow! The more she an I chat back and forth the more I find out we have so much more than I thought in common. (cool right)

But like i said I am not counting those chickens, I am just going to enjoy the time with her that I get..

I am going to take it all in..

God is AWESOME!

Maybe Just Maybe?

2011-10-10T09:31:00.001-07:00

I have something that I just need to write out. Something I want to remember and follow and see where it goes... A reminder of how God is working in my life.

I guess that's pretty much why I am doing this blog ,so I can look back and always remember to be thankful for all.. Good and bad

I wrote in another post well two to be exact about me not having any friends outside family and online that I could relate to..

And that I have for some time now been praying to God about that emptiness I feel and how I would love for him to place someone in my life that shares a similar life story .. One who knows what I am going through well----

Here is one of my many Only God Stories--

I get updates emailed to me from Soul Sisters Facebook page. I occasionally will read and comment on them but most of the time I delete and not even read them... I am so bad about keeping up with Facebook.But On Friday I happened to read this girls post don't know why I read it I just did there were a few but I just read hers.

It was so my life story just a little different. (to much to go into now) I clicked on it to go over to Facebook to reply to what she said, well when i get there the post said it had been deleted? So I let it be went about my daily reading of emails. As I am reading my other emails, something inside me is telling me to go find her page on FB and send her a message to at least let her know your praying for her..

So I sent her a message telling her that I was praying for her and I felt her pain. She responded and told me she took it down for some reasons that I could totally understand..

She also said that she would pray for me and my daughter as well ..

Long story short we've been sharing emails back and forth, her life is pretty much my life.. We are dealing with the same issues with our daughters.... And our past was pretty much the same .. How mind blowing is all this?

Now that is an only God story for sure!

I wonder how all this is going to play out! Oh and the other great thing she goes to Bible Study on the same day i do :).

Hope we get to meet in person this week..

I am not counting my chickens before they hatch but maybe just maybe could she be the one I have been praying for?

Much Love Dawn

Such a Beautiful thing!

2011-10-07T11:55:00.001-07:00

I cut some of my flowers off my rose bushes today, only got stuck by a thorn once heehee..

You know Flowers really make me smile! And today that is just what I needed!

They really brighten up the whole house and they smell so fabulous!.

Such a wonderful gift flowers are.

Thankful for rose bushes!

Much love Dawn

Alone....

2011-10-05T16:23:00.000-07:00

Some days I feel like this bale of hay with so many layers, sitting alone in a big open field with no one around me, no one who can hear me, no one can see me,no one to laugh with, no one to cry with, no one that says i feel your pain and no one to just be silent and listen to what i have to say..

The field is open, wanting, excepting ,yearning and beautiful ready to give all that it has to offer and ready for someone to peel back the layers.. But no, no one is there but me waiting alone..

How do I get to a place where I have someone to laugh with share my thoughts with (besides my hubby)?

How do I get there? How do I become seen and heard? How do I become like these bales of hay not alone, filled with love and nourishment underneath holding them up? What is it that I lack? What is it that I am doing wrong?

maybe God just wants me to NEED him for the time being?

…..for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.
(Hebrews13:5b-6)

Much love Dawn

Lovin that feeling!

2011-10-04T11:52:00.000-07:00

Today I really felt like painting so I sat and thought what in the world did I want to paint?..

Then out of no where, "paint a teepee" came to me ??? Okay then a teepee I will paint..

It felt so good to get creative and just touch a paint brush and feel the canvas against the edge of my hand again, it's been awhile for sure..

I did notice tho when I was all done-- it's a lopsided teepee heehee.

But ya know what it's my work and I LOVES IT!!!!!!!!

Happy creative day for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Much Love Dawn

Past mistakes..

2011-10-03T06:33:00.000-07:00

We all have past mistakes- YES..

We all have probably apologized for one thing or another from our past.

If you have apologized for things you once did when you weren't old enough to know better,

and that certain someone forgave you should they NOT bring it up and throw it in your face at certain moments in your life??? I mean come on I said i was sorry many times throughout my teenage and adult years.. But yet they bring it up..??

I don't get it???

So after the last time they decided to bring it up for the last time I hope..

I finally thought about our conversation we had and called this person back, an I asked them "did you forgive me for my wrong doings" ? They said "yes you weren't that bad"??? UH hmm by my feelings of over the years of you bringing it up makes me think you feel other wise?..

They said "no I just want you to know you weren't " perfect" ..

Never thought I was when it came to that. I own up to my wrong doings..

Now don't get me wrong throughout my life I have tried to be "perfect" but i do know and understand now that no one is but Jesus.. Took so much stress of me BTW finding that out ! Heehee

Sorry off track some-- okay back to the past mistakes, what i guess my point is If you forgave someone don't rub their past mistakes in their face,(specially if they have apologized a million times and YOU forgave them..) I think i felt pretty bad about my choices when I was growing up throughout my teenage years that I don't need a reminder to this day....

I'm just saying!

Much love Dawn

I wonder?

2011-09-30T15:59:00.000-07:00

You know when you raise your kids and one of them leaves home and you find yourself wondering what could I have done differently? What could I have said differently? How did she get to be the person she is today?

I wonder what makes them think you HAVE TO DO things for them just because your their mom.. I tell my kids i do things because I love you an I WANT TO.. I don't have to do anything for you..

I also wonder why they blame you for everything that goes wrong in their life?

I don't know about anyone else but I LOVE MY KIDS an I want to have a really good relationship with them.. It's so sad the way my life turned out thus far with my oldest...

I wonder if she will hit rock bottom and grow up and see things more clearly??

All I can do is wait and be so grateful and happy when she does!~

Much love Dawn

Reminder

2011-09-29T13:58:00.000-07:00

I have been doing my bible study lessons for almost two weeks now.

During week one there is a section asking us to list 5 people other than spouses and children of whom you spend most of your time with.. UH I have no friends other than my family and online friends.. :(

So I left it blank went ahead finished my lesson thinking hmm boy this kinda makes me sad a little.. Okay so I go into Bible study and I am trying to look at their pages while not trying to look... To see if they have friends listed on theirs.. Oh yes everyone of them did the list went on.. I was

so thrilled for them but it really makes me look at myself more...

Now on to week two -doing my lesson happy as ever and what do I come across??

Another page asking about friends.. Call a friend UH Hmm who can I call and ask these ???? You know the answer NO ONE TO CALL...

I immediately said okay God what are you trying to tell me? Now the story behind this is for about a year now maybe longer, I have been asking God to bring someone into my life that meets my emotional needs an I can meet theirs..

I'm sure I know why I haven't met anyone yet...

It's not my time that's what I believe..

Still lonely at times though..

I am not a very social person till you get to know me well then I could talk your ear off. lol

I will go into my not so social life later.. But i just thought for now this was worthy of a post.. Just a reminder to myself what I need to work on..

Thank you God for the reminder..

Gotta love him!

Your Design?

2011-09-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

Do YOU often wonder-- "Who did God design me to be"?

Well I do...

When I was little I used to want to be a Teacher, I think that was because I love to help others.

Then I wanted to be an Archaeologist, I think that was because of my love for antiques...

Last thing I wanted to be when I was little-- was a stay at home mom, I think that was because my Momma was for a brief period in my life an OH HOW I LOVED IT!

Now that I am almost 37 I sit here today and wonder---- Who did God design me to be? Am I doing what He has designed me to do? A stay at home mom?

I have struggled with this ? for many years, I love that I have and had the opportunity to stay home and raise my babies.. But now that they are getting older and requiring less of their Mommy, where Does that lead me? My youngest wants me to continue to stay home, she says " Mom please don't get a job I love that you are here everyday".. I know how she feels, like i said above I LOOOVED when my mom got to be at home for us...

I want God to use me for who He designed me to be! I don't want to over look it one bit.. I pray for Him to use me ..

So if being a stay at home mom is who He designed me to be in this season of my life, I embrace it wholeheartedly.. But if there is more I know He will show me..

Much love Dawn

BAGGAGE!

2011-09-28T10:37:00.000-07:00

Today I feel heavy at heart so much on my mind, I went into Bible study (Soul Sisters) today thinking i knew the answers to my sins.. While sitting there listening to the group of women at my table and worshiping Jesus, it hit me what i thought my answers were in my soul work(homework) were NOT indeed what i am facing right now.. So that sat me back in my chair and I was pretty quiet the whole time.. (So deep in my thoughts).. I was thinking WOW I really have some baggage I need to let go..

I guess I will be claiming that baggage this week and dealing with letting it go..

I thought my sins were of the past issues But NO the focus really is something much more, "my oldest".. Now that topic is long-- not enough paper today but I will share along the road what i am dealing with in my heart.

God really knows how to put it out there for you to wake up and take notice! Oh how i love that!

Sometime I will share how i found the awesome group called Souls Sisters! God I love them!

Have a wonderful and blessed day y'all

Much love, Dawn

Why not...

2011-09-27T08:42:00.001-07:00

So many FABULOUS blogs i read daily have inspired me to take up blogging again.

I need something to hold me accountable give me reason,drive and commitment.. So I hope you come along and follow and enjoy this season of life I'm in .

Lots of Love to Y'all

Dawn